Anupriya could not stifle back the cry of despair emanating from her heart. The specter of doom hung loosely over her head and she had none to blame but her own foolish heart. She seemed engulfed by a darkness both from within as from without. Would she able to make a comeback from this darkness into light? This question haunted her every
night until she got the answer.
It all started about two years back when she had taken the first momentous decision of her life. She had conceded to allow herself to be admitted to a school. It was not such an easy task to do. Having been born in the lap of luxury and having possession of a very beautiful form somewhat abated the absence of one precious gift from God – her
eyes, because she was born totally blind!
Her father was one of the richest businessmen in Lucknow and he dearly loved his princess. But although money could buy her every comfort and also a retinue of servants to cushion her falls, yet it could not erase her need to be independent. She could not be babied through all her life. She wanted freedom to live a life as all other girls of her age did. So after all these years, she had condescended to her mother’s
wish to be admitted into a college for the blind.
She stepped out of the car and into the big, bad world for the first time that day. The driver left her at the gate because no student was allowed to carry inside the supports with which he/she walked outside; they were on their own here. Anu felt lost and angry. How the hell was she supposed to go inside without anyone coming to help her? This
was the way of things at Deen Dayal’s College for the blind.
Swearing abuses aloud she slowly inched her way forward. She now felt acutely the absence of a stick which she had always refused to take because it was like an advertisement of her blindness. But suddenly, as if from nowhere, someone clasped her outstretched hand. She immediately pulled it back and called out “Who is it?”
“I am only trying to help you; I could not but overhear you swearing to yourself. So please do not be afraid.” The voice which spoke was soft, gentle and almost timid but unmistakably male. This was her first encounter with Abhishek. He was always helpful, very loving, very, very caring and always very shy. He seemed faultless, almost perfect,
almost, except for one little defect – he was also blind.
Deen Dayal College proved to be the harbinger of change and the turning point in her life in more ways than one. Here she learned to be independent and to accept her walking stick as her companion and not be chaperoned around by a helper. And here also she first felt the stirrings of love and romances stir her senses and her frothy heart.
Shyam Kumar was a teacher in Deen Dayal and he was a coveted one amongst his female students. He was young, handsome with a sonorous voice and a suave and charming demeanour. The girls were all gaga over this dashing teacher and he knew it well to play to the field. Soon Anu was another victim to be ensnared in his love trap. For him it was a big bonanza with her wealth and beauty. She was after all the only daughter of Kishori Lal Jaiswal – the big shot tycoon of Lucknow. So she wasn’t only
play material; she was marriage material.
Life at Deen Dayal College soon settled into a smooth routine for Anu. She attended her classes which were her regular study classes, then she also had musical classes. At Deen Dayal students were taught the regular subjects you needed for an education and they also searched each student for their interests and talents. Then this interest and talent of each child was nurtured and thus the child was given wings to grow and fly high.
Anu had a beautiful, richly melodious and lilting voice. And she had a naturally riveting manner of belting out a song. She was a born musical talent. Now only needed was to hone her talents and she was ready to be presented to the world. This is exactly why she had been prodded and pushed by her mother to come and attend this prestigious school.
Abhishek followed Anu like a faithful dog. He was besotted with her voice. He felt mesmerized listening to her singing. Being blind, for him too any bonanza to do with his other senses was always heartily welcome for him. He was enraptured and in awe of Anu’s singing talent. And coincidentally he too had a musical talent. He played the tabla.
So he was one of Anu’s musical hands.
Soon he sought for her hand of friendship and he began to dream of seeking for her hand in marriage. But Anu in turn had fallen head over heels in love with Shyam. So she was reluctant to entertain Abhishek’s interest in her. But her mother was adamantly on Abhi’s side. It was a mother’s protective instincts that made her to prod and push Anu
towards Abhishek.
Anu stood at the crossroads of her life. She had to decide to go one way or the other. She had to proceed either towards Abhishek or Shyam. But that part came later. In the beginning she was oblivious to all else, all her senses were focused only on Shyam. She was love struck with his mesmerizing presence and voice. He was such an alluring charmer. He weaved his manipulative way to her heart through his suave and charm.
One day he took her on a date and he was his chivalrous best – waiting and doting on her as if that was his favourite work in life. He bent backwards to be at her service. He spent the whole day taking her around the beautiful city of Kolkata. It was an old buzzing metro city that had both antique landmark structures and the modern concrete jungle existence. He was the epitome of perfect guide to show her around.
He thus floored and captivated her. Then he cunningly took her to show his rented apartment which he shared with another person. There he brought her intimately close to him and she tentatively gave into her desire and indulged in a passionate lip lock with him. The flow of adrenaline had threatened to become a full blown sexual encounter but it was arrested in nick of time by Anu’s strong traditional upbringing that prevented her from crossing the boundaries of morally correct behaviour. She could never betray her
parents trust in her.
This sightseeing, dating and kissing scene continued for some time which Anu did not allow to transgress to a physical union. But even though the spirit is strong; yet the flesh is weak. How long could Anu resist the overpowering desire ignited in her by a sensuously skilled man who knew how to go for the kill? It was only a matter of time before she succumbed to the soaring temptation of her flaming passionate longings. It resulted in a fiercely torrid physical tryst where Shyam deflowered and devoured the
beautiful virgin girl.
This sensually riveting saga of love and lust (love of Anupriya and lust of Shyam) chugged full steam ahead with gusto. Shyam was bloated and gloating with a sense of victory at his prized catch. He felt the cat was certainly already in his bag. But Anu’s infatuation was in for a rude shock. She had been swept off her feet by the huge tidal wave of love’s overpowering strong pull oblivious to the treacherous shenanigans of her paramour. But no matter what; truth doth reveals itself. And thus Anu’s brush with the
brutal reality crashed her illusionary dream world.
One Sunday Anu wasn’t feeling physically well and she wanted Shyam to be with her. But Shyam had other entertaining ideas and plans. He had booked a movie date with a luscious saucy girl and a few of his couple friends. So he wasn’t gonna waste his precious chutti day at the beck and call of his sick, blind and boring girlfriend. She was only convenience material; not enjoyment material. She served no other purpose except the criteria of fulfilling his sexual needs (that too only when he didn’t feel energetic and enthusiastic for his usual chase and kill routine of seducing sexy babes in his zooming antenna) and ofcourse his highly coveted and prioritized status need. Anu’s father’s status and position gave him the free ticket to an elevated status in his social circle.
Thus that particular Sunday when Anu was being a spoilsport to Shyam’s day of fun and frolic; he felt big time irritated and harassed by her clinging desire for him (his wrapped and conveniently jaundiced perception of her love). It was only her true feeling of love that prompted her valid and justified need of him. One can expect love, only where there is actually love; one can’t coerce love. And Shyam felt no love for Anu; he felt only lust. That was the truth that Anu had yet to know. But fortunately the floodgate to truth had opened sooner than later for her. That day flashed the first signs of discord and disharmony between them. There was a bitter fight and words and tears gushed forth in torrents. Tears of course were thought to be only a woman’s prerogative and a perceived weapon by women against men.
“Please Shyam, darling please be with me today. I am not feeling well and I want your soothing company.” Anu had pleaded with Shyam on that Sunday morning. “Come on Anu don’t act like a child. I have some important work for which I must go out. Actually I maybe even a bit late. If you aren’t feeling well you just take rest. You sleep as much as
you can.” Shyam had casually and indifferently replied to her.
“You don’t give me the usual trite lecture about rest. I know what’s good for me. Your invigorating company is good for me. You stay with me and read for me, cook a good lunch for me and then we’ll watch a good movie on TV. It’s not every day that I ask you to do this and it’s not every day that I get sick. It’s your chutti day. You could as well do it willingly and happily. I’ve been noticing that you don’t wish to spend your Sundays with me. Just 2 – 3 hours of vigorous love making every 4 – 5 days a week can’t be enough for our love. What’s so important work you have on a Sunday? All offices are closed today. So don’t make lame excuses to me. Come on, stay with me and cheer me
up today.” Anu had sharply and testily replied to him.
Feeling trapped Shyam was fuming inside but he had no intention of wasting his precious holiday on being at the beck and call of this sick, blind and clingy woman. That was when he lost his hypocritical cool that he was actually falsely sugar coating in order to hide his true bitter and negative attitude and feelings for her. Sooner or later truth is bound to come out. It’s never hidden for always. And fortunately for Anu truth won that day.
However clever, manipulative and scheming he was but Shyam couldn’t hide his true misogynistically devilish form for long because he was also a typical idiotically aggressive and impatient asshole. He lashed out and hissed at her “Shut up you stupid, clingy, blind bitch. I am not your father’s servant to be at your wish and command. I have better and more important things to do. If you are sick, you just stay in bed and chill – haramzadi kutiya saali. You don’t be barking orders at me. You anyways can’t do any better than that – you blind and non functional sissy woman.”
Anu was shocked and horrified beyond words. Did she see and hear right? Or was this a horrible nightmare? She literally pinched herself. But she was awake and she had seen and heard alright. She felt a roaring wave of deep hurt and pain ferociously stab at her deeply inside. She didn’t utter a word back. She simply looked at him in shocked disbelief. She was her parents pet and they had never ever even raised their voice to her.
The heat of the moment and Shyam’s vicious anger too instantly subsided. The mask had slipped and his true colours had revealed themselves. It was time for immediate damage control. He was back to his super cool sugary self trying to placate and
mollycoddle Anu’s ruffled feathers. He was profusely apologetic.
And he was again back to his game – pampering her hurt ego, whispering sweet nothings and calling her endearing names. At first she was rigidly distraught and tearful. But then slowly she thawed and became calmer and forgiving of his raw and beastly side as he himself had admitted about his spitefully abhorrent words and behaviour.
They had a conciliatory session of passionate lovemaking from his side. He did have a way with women and his sexual skills always came handy in worming his way back into their favour. It was a win-win quality – to subdue their anger and resentment against him, as well as give him his highly craved sexual pleasure.
He sure was a goddamn suave and sexy devil. More often than not he had women eating out of his hands. This increased his cockiness in thinking that he had ensnared Anu for good. Increasingly he felt no fear and remorse to show his fiendish and caddish
side to her because he thought he could get away with it after all.
Thus their now hot and now cold affair continued for a few months. Then one day after the usual mean and rough words and behaviour of Shyam, Anu turned cold towards him. And as usual Shyam having won his time out from her simple and small demand, he later came to woo back her love and favour.
But soon there came a time when Shyam’s horrid and cocksure attitude – it broke the camel’s back. Soon, at one point of time Anu refused to be consoled and wooed back. She remained cold, distant and frigid. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t thaw her this time.
So he left it at that, thinking – “How long will a girl hold out and not bend backwards in lieu of the strong emotional attachment that develops with a girl’s physical relations with a man.” He was cocksure that sooner or later she would be running back into his arms.
But that reconciliation never happened. Instead, slowly Anu actually moved on. She reciprocated to Abhishek’s love proposal and it triggered their whirlwind courtship and engagement soon thereafter, along with the announcement of their date of marriage. It left Shyam flabbergasted and highly disappointed. He couldn’t fathom Anu’s sudden and radical change of heart. How could an innocent, budding, emotionally weak and blind girl become such a hard and tough nut to crack?
It was here that his assessment of her was gravely incorrect. He had wrongly assumed her to be a weak, wimpy and sissy woman. She had her physical drawbacks but she had tremendous mental strength. She was physically blind but not mentally blind. She realized that he was an incorrigible habitual offender who wouldn’t see reason and change himself for the better. Thus she practically decided that “Prevention is always better than cure.”
“The proof of a delicious well made pudding lies in the eating.” And Anu had felt the bitter taste of Shyam’s love. So how could she foolishly decide to reconcile herself to its bitter taste for a whole lifetime? There’s a thin line dividing being ’emotional’ and being an ’emotional fool’. And Anu drew the line at being only ’emotional’ and not a ‘fool’.
