Here I am, standing in front of the law court to my dismay. Never in my life have I thought of defying the law or doing anything demeaning to anybody. Not even a parking ticket came to my life until this moment. And I am now facing the most shameful case ever in which I am completely innocent. Ridiculous!
The court is so calm and quiet, unlike my mind. The allegations boiled me as much as they hurt me. Honestly don’t know what I am feeling. I noticed many people gathered in the compound talking to each other, most lawyers beside their cars. Why can’t I look at their faces even though I am guilty? I don’t know. But I will go out with my head held high from this court.
“It’s her,” thought I as she passed by me. She didn’t look at me. No, she didn’t notice me. She rushed to the corner and sat on one of the chairs arranged in a row. She was dressed in pale white dress with a yellow tint. Her eyes reflected an alienemotion, and they were fixated on the floor. She seemed to be a pathetic pale soul. But she can’t fool me. She can’t fool me twice. I had seen it before—that day.
#
I was going out of the office. While walking to the door, I caught a glimpse of an unfamiliar face at a distant cubicle. A young girl with shining perm hair. She was rigorously dancing her fingers across the keyboard with her eyes focused on the bright monitor.
My subordinate Francis saw me standing at the door. He quickly grasped what I was doing.
“She is Nancy John. Joined our firm yesterday,” He remarked. “A temporary one.”
My wife suddenly held my hand, and I broke off from that memory.
“Mary,” I whispered, “Everything will be alright.” It should be. Because I did nothing wrong. I was not meant to be here.
I looked at Nancy again. I wish I hadn’t called her to my cabin that morning. Only if I knew!
#
The very next day after I first saw Nancy.
I was browsing through the files piled up at my table. What a dull morning! Francis came to my office and added even more files to the pile, much to my disgust.
“Who is handling ‘The Lakehouse Constructions’ file?” I asked wryly.
“Nancy John, sir.” I haven’t met her yet. Seems a good moment to do so.
“Tell her to bring me the files,” I demanded.
I poured out a glass of wine and kept it beside me on the table. A glass of wine is a good start to welcome a new colleague. Before long, she came to the door and sought permission to come in. I was standing by my desk.
“Come in.”
She brought the files to my desk and then looked at me. Suddenly her face grew grave as she stared at me. Her eyes radiated an awkward emotion. I saw disgust and fear like seeing a ghost.That’s new! Is my face that ugly?
“Hi, Nancy. Want to have some wine?” I asked softly, holding the glass.
What happened next was an utterly unexpected incident.
Out of the blue, she screamed and pushed back my hand. The wine glass fell off to the floor and broke into numerous glass sherds. She repelled in disgust but lost balance due to her high heels and was about to collapse. In an impulse, I stretched and reached onto her and grabbed her shirt to keep her from falling. This time I lost balance, and we both collapsed onto the floor. Her shirt was torn in the process. Never have I seen someone looking at me with such disgust and horror. She cried and whimpered, “Get off me!!!”
I was in a state of shock and couldn’t grasp the situation.
It was then the door opened, and I saw my co-workers at us in an awkward position.
A broken wine glass. A man on top of a woman. The women’s shirt torn. They could easily cook up the rest.
I suddenly got up.
“He—He was trying to—” Her words broke, and an outburst of tears sank the rest. But it was enough for the crowd at the door. They all began to assault me both physically and mentally. All the events that followed were an absolute mess. I tried to convince my part of the story, but none wanted to hear.
They kept wanting me to apologise for my misbehaviour and abuse. But I didn’t misbehave, and the whole incident was an accident. I already apologised for the accident, but I can’t apologise in the name of my assault or abuse. It has a totally different meaning. I stood honest to my soul. Some of them were trying to pacify the girl, but she ran away.
I couldn’t sleep that night. Today I saw how the world without its mask. Everyone just wants to hold on to the truth they saw but don’t see both sides.I felt sorry for that girl. Maybe she had a reason to act like that. It’s all a horrible mess.
My wife hugged me and said, “Forget it like a nightmare.”
Later I heard that the girl’s parents were moving to court to sue me. Me, who has never mistreated a woman! Now in a sexual harassment case! I called her mother and tried to convince her. Instead of hearing me out, she demanded money. So she had a reason after all! All of her unnatural acts were just a plot to trap me and lure cash from me. That crook! I wanted to have a word with Nancy, but she didn’t let me. It was of no use anyway; she would twist the story more and demand more money. After all, everyone believes her story only.
“It’s all crystal clear now,” I challenged her mom, “See you in court then.”
#
My phone rang, waking me up from that daydream. I answered the call.
“Mary, I am fired,” I said coldly.
She tried to soothe me, but I was already prepared for this call. Whatever happens, I was not going to admit a crime I didn’t commit.
I looked over to Nancy and then to her mom, who sat beside her. My heart was burning hot, and my whole body trembled with anger. How I wished to grab her spectacles and crush it under my feet! No, instead, I will walk out of the court in front of her as a free man. But my lawyer was not sure about that. The CCTV camera in my office wasn’t working that day. So there are no visuals to prove my innocence. Another aspect is my colleagues’ statement about seeing us in an awkward position (They love to throw me out of the firm. Then they would have one less competitor.). I clenched my teeth in anger and held Mary’s even tighter.
Our case was called next. I walked down the hallway with many eyes looking at me curiously and partly viciously. The spectator area is the most disturbing part of the court as it makes any accused one nervous. How could anyone be so cool to commit a crime and defend it in front of those haunting eyes?
The court clerk looked at both the plaintiff and defendant and then began writing. Soon began the court proceedings.
“Miss John, do you stand by all the allegations you accused against Mr. Thomas Lord?” The judge asked boldly.
In response, Nancy started to cry.
“Crying is not an answer. I need a proper answer.” The judge demanded while adjusting his glasses.
To my shock, she said in tears, “No.”
“He did nothing,” she added. “Nothing at all.”
Like the last time we met, I stood clueless. Is she really crazy? Why the hell did she cause so much trouble to me then? She might have thought she stood no chance. That’s the only possible inference. But why am I feeling so tensed? Why a different feeling towards her now? Sympathy?
I got out of the courtroom happily. Still, it was odd to walk back among those eyes still with that same emotion.
“Leave it,” I thought. “A nightmare just ended. That’s all.”
As a token of our triumph, my wife and I grabbed a sumptuous dinner afterwards. It was our best day after an exhausting period of insecurity and anxiety. Now, everything will be perfect as it was before. Or so I thought.
#
I went out to the lawn and stretched my hands while yawning. I had been sleeping on the cushion like a log. That’s what happens when your stomach is so full. Plus, it was raining outside a while ago.
The petrichor exhilarated me as I stepped out. The iridescent bubbles were gliding across me as a remainder of the rain. That glint of sunshine after the heavy rain—it was ethereal. The evening was so euphoric.
I noticed my neighbour Jane on her lawn. Her kids were also out playing around the trees.
“Hey, Jane,” I called out.
Jane turned back and looked at me oddly. Suddenly she urged the kids to go back into the house. It was plainly visible that my presence was disturbing her. Her eyes reflected that expression—that same expression I saw in those eyes in that courtroom.
“What?” asked she, annoyed.
“I suppose you know what happened in my trial?”
“Yeah, you got acquitted,” Jane replied. “Of course, you do!”
I recognised the mocking tone in her voice, like a left-handed compliment. I advanced closer to speak. But she excused herself and went back into her house. The whole event shattered my heart into thousand pieces. Jane was no longer that friendly old neighbour.
I hadn’t noticed their change after the accusation as I was so disturbed and busy with the case. Everything is not normal anymore.
#
The very next day, I approached my company manager about reinstating me in the firm.
“Yes, you are innocent.” He nodded his head. “But we can’t take you back.”
“Why?”
“Our company has a reputation. We can’t risk it by having you around here.”
“But—”
“The allegations on you were very grave. At any cost, you can’t come back. FYI. We fired that girl too.”
Yet another setback. The allegations were proven false. Doesn’t anyone care? I guess the allegations from a woman can’t be washed off easily from your outfit.
I felt much insulted on my way back home. While walking, a group of youngsters was chatting at a corner of the pavement. Hearing the word ‘Mr.Lord’, I decided to eavesdrop by hiding behind a hedge.
“Dude, I am 100% sure that Thomas Lord raped the girl.”
“But I heard that he was acquitted.”
“Yeah. But did you see the girl in the court? She was crying. She said no to the accusations while in tears.”
“So ?”
“Don’t you see it, Ben? She was blackmailed to say it. Definitely, Mr. Lord would have threatened the hell out of her. She was standing there like a scared cat.”
“Oh, I see. Also, why would a girl blatantly accuse a man, especially in terms of sexual harassment? There must be something in it for sure.”
“Exactly. That Lord guy is a fraud, believe me. And his cover is blown now.” He chuckled.
I don’t know how to describe that feeling. I was a frozen statue. A billion bolts of lightning struck my heart. I honestly hoped for a bolt of actual lightning to take me out instantly. Then, I wouldn’t have to suffer like this till I die. That moment I realized that nothing would go back to normal again.
I couldn’t stay much longer and rushed to my home. As soon as I got home, I threw myself onto the sofa, quite agitated. Mary enquired whether everything was okay. I brushed off her worries in a silly manner. But all my difficulties were pretty visible to her. Because I was pacing around the house, with clenched fists. Everything will never be okay.
#
The following day, I went out early morning to do some jogging. Its purpose was to forget the tragic yesterday and refresh me for a new day. Boy, it did an excellent job on that!
I saw only ordinary human beings looking at me. But I was seen as an alien in my own neighbourhood.
I noted a peculiar young woman standing on her lawn as I jogged by her house. She looked at me scornfully, and her eyes were fixated on me the entire time. On my return, I saw the same woman—the same expression.
I stopped and decided to retaliate. I looked her back straight in disgust. Yes, I stood there with my eyes fixed on her. She started to feel uncomfortable. I was giving her own medicine to her.
“You! Why are you looking at her in this way?” A man approached. Soon more voices came to put me on trial. As they started to call me names, I fled for my life. I abandoned my daily routine morning walks from then onwards.
My wife greeted me with so many questions. But I was so drained to answer. “Give me some air,” I shouted in frustration. Now Mary also realized that our lives would never be the same.”
#
The best way was to shut myself from them so that the news would start fading away. Spending a home prison sentence would have been much easier if I was guilty. But I went out to fetch some things for the house one or two times—Parole.
I spent a month in my house, frustrated with my life. But I desperately needed a job, and it called for an immediate release.
“Mary, I am going out for looking a job,” I said, exhausted. “It’s time to get it over with.”
Mary was delighted. It’s been a long time since I saw such an expression on her face. We had spoken very little these days. But she always knew my soul and acted accordingly.
You won’t realize how precious a thing is until it’s lost. Day and night, I wandered from one company to another, looking for a job. On these journeys, I noticed that the story of Nancy and me wasn’t forgotten at all. Contrary to that, the new variants of the story had begun looming over us. Many elements like multiple rape attempts, multiple women were added inhumanely. Thus I became a ferocious monster in that area. And the day came when I saw the results.
One day, I was walking back home from the bus stop. I was exhausted and disappointed at my failure in getting employed. The footpath was slippery from the rain, and I couldn’t care less. I slipped and fell onto a lady, unfortunately.
“It’s that pervert !” Those ‘moral’ ones called. “How dare you!” I tried to explain, but it was in vain. I tried to run away, but they held me tight and tore my soul apart with obnoxious questions. They even called my wife a slut! I pushed them down with some struggle and escaped from the scene with all my might. How did I run so swiftly even though I was totally out of gas?
As soon as I reached home, I shut the door wildly behind me. I was violently infuriated and began hitting a wall with my clenched fists like a mad man. I needed it.
“Tom!” My wife shouted. I saw a red tint on the wall and my knuckles in blood. I threw a vase on the floor and laughed.
“Stop it, Tom! Tell me what happened !” She yelled.
I advanced towards her and grabbed her tight. I looked at her eyes and said, “They wanted to see me as a monster! Here I am, the monster they wanted. Thomas Lord, the blood-sucking devil !.”
I grinned menacingly and added, “I’ll bore out their eyes and leave them in the streets to beg. I will peel off their faces just like they peel off their fake masks. I will cut off their tongues and—”
“I am scared of you !” Mary cried in tears before I could finish. I stared at her and stood gorgonized. I realized what the most difficult thing to do in this world was. It’s to stay in your senses while the whole world puts you in a bonfire.
Turning my back to her, I muttered, “Get out.”
“Tom!” She cried. “This is our house. And you want me to get out?”
“Yes, Mary, I want you to leave me alone,” I spoke gently. “It’s for your good. I promise I’ll reach out to you soon.”
“I am worried about you. I will be in hellfire if I leave you alone here.”
I knew that she wanted to help me and give me all the comfort she could. But I didn’t want to hurt her anymore. I didn’t want her to stay with me scared. Most importantly, I didn’t want her to see me kill someone.
After vehement arguments, she conceded reluctantly. I saw a deep apprehension in her eyes as she left for her parents’ house. Sorry, Mary, I needed to do something that you wouldn’t allow me to do. I reached to my desk and took out a paper—to write a story.
‘Once upon a time, there lived a lovely couple of a male deer and a female deer in a jungle. They lived together in harmony with their herd. They thought each of the herd members loved each other, but they didn’t. At the centre of the jungle situated a doomed lake that everyone knew of. Whoever drinks its water was cursed with ill fate. One day, the male deer wanted to see the lake. As he stood by the lake, a monkey splashed the water onto the deer and accused him of drinking the water. The male deer was the cursed one! Later the monkey admitted the mistake, but it was too late. The couple was banished from the herd. The animals started throwing stones at them to chase them away. For her safety, the male deer sent his mate away from the jungle. And—”
I paused and wrote, ‘And the male deer jumped to the lake and sank to its doom.’
I put down the pen and looked at the pills in my hand. I wanted to kill someone—me!. Just six or more pills along with some water, then I’ll see the peaceful end to this tragic story. But I remembered something and put the pills back into their box. I struck off the last sentence and wrote,
‘And the male deer went to teach the monkey a lesson.’
#
It was getting dark when I reached my destination. Nancy’s house defied my expectations. The house was old, and much was in ruins. The paint had become pale and was under algae attack. I rang the doorbell.
Nancy’s mom opened the door and was stunned on seeing me. She recognized me.
“I—I mean no trouble. Just want to talk.” I stammered.
“Come in, Mr. Lord,” said she, without any resistance. I brushed my hand against my back pocket and felt the pen-knife still there. I sat down on an old creaking chair. Inside me, there was a ferocious battle going on. Should I take them out now, or should I wait?
“We did a serious crime to you,” said she, tearing up, “I know that you can’t forgive us. But when the lawyer said we might get some money out of the case—”
“For money?” I shouted in disgust. “For money, your daughter played the victim and made me a crook in front of the whole world!”
“No, son. The shock she had was real. She is an innocent soul. You don’t know her past. Once, she was torn apart by a man. A man who made suffer far worse than death.” She paused as she saw Nancy coming towards the room.She seemed so pale and was looking at me oddly. This time there was far much less fear in her eyes.
“It happened years ago, but she still bears that trauma. Do you know what happened to that man? He walked out free. They say there was a lack of evidence. But here she is, the living evidence! Nothing was never normal since. She fell into depression as the people called her a slut. They slandered my family without the slightest sense of morality. In the end, we tried to commit suicide—”
Her words stuttered with frustration, anger, and grief. It seemed familiar. I told her to tell me everything. Something was changing inside me.
“My husband died, and we both barely came out alive. God wanted us to live. From that moment onwards, we began to fight.”
Wondering me profusely, she narrated all the hardships she faced and how she fought them. At last, she had to leave the village for the sake of Nancy.
“I took an oath never to come back again until we’re in a good position,” said Mrs. John sternly. “We are poor. But we’re hardworking to become better. But sometimes I become so desperate—just to see my Nancy live a normal life—I become greedy—” Her words broke.
No wonder! After all they had endured, anybody would have been desperate to see a way out. My evil eyes had begun tearing up. Nancy kept looking down on the floor.
“All those screams and acts you showed were due to PTSD?” I asked her.
“Yes.”
“But why me? What did I do to make you break apart like that?”
“He and you had similar faces,” Nancy whispered. “You reminded me of him. And you offered me wine.”
“Wine?”
“I was drugged when— it happened,” she spoke slowly. “He had tricked me to drink a wine mixed with drugs.” She hesitated. She didn’t want to talk about it.
“Nancy isn’t greedy like me. She spoke the truth in the court,” said Mrs. John. “She is a poor soul.”
I couldn’t look at their faces. These two poor souls were trying to shovel down their past and climb up a wine to the sky. And here I came to kill them both for vengeance. But how could I? They both had been through a lot worse than death. And they still live with great hopes for the future. What did I do? I wanted to end my life for a bunch of losers spreading lies about me. Shame!
“Nancy, believe in yourself.” I stood up. “Consider me as a brother. Hold your head high. You have done nothing wrong. But you need to regain your confidence. I suggest some counselling would help you out.” Nancy smiled for the first time.
“Thank you,” I said and stepped out from that lighted house to the dark night sky. And the opposite happened in my heart. Metanoia!
How small the world is! How little time we have here! How could I leave it so ridiculously? When it rains during a pleasure trip, you either wait for the rain to settle down or go out with an umbrella. It doesn’t mean the journey is ruined. There is plenty more to go. That’s life!
As soon as I got back, I put away the pen-knife to a safe drawer. The story was lying on the desk. I smiled and sat down to finish it.
‘But the monkey taught him some valuable lessons instead. The male deer went back to begin building a fort. A fort for those like him. A giant fort made out of the stones thrown at him.’
I had made a promise to fulfil. I needed back my female deer. I rang up my phone and whispered, “Mary.”
