He glanced at his watch impatiently, half past four in the evening. The train was supposed to be here by now.
He thought back to what the letter said. He took it out and began reading it again. Although he had read it countless times before; to the point where he could remember every detail of it, he still wanted to read it again. Just to make sure the crumbled piece of paper was real, just to make himself believe that the contents were true.
The date listed on the envelope was 14th June, three years ago, but delivered to him only a few days back.
The paper was stained yellow, crumpled and had the looked of a very old, very fragile treasure map. To him it was a piece of treasure in itself. He just had to find out if it was true. He just had to hope that wishes and prayers were answered. Maybe, just maybe…
The letter in itself was short. It had a picture attached to it. A picture of ‘her’ in a blue and white sundress. The dress was knee length, with patterns of small lilacs printed, all blue. The picture showed ‘her’ bending for the camera and holding out her right hand in that ridiculous V pose that she always did. Her face showed the smile that he loved so much- A big wide grin. Sometimes he would tease her and she would smirk, a half lip which would turnher cheeks a blushing shade of pink. He found that seductive but never did tell her.
How he wished he had.
Her face in the photo was partially covered by the straw hat she was wearing, with a blue ribbon over her crown. The dress itself had a blue satin ribbon over her waist. My God! She was perfection, he thought. A tear started forming at the corner of his eye.
He kept staring at the picture instead of the letter.
It brought back memories as he stifled sobs- A grown man must not cry.
“Train No5726 will be arriving in another fifteen minutes. Passengers are requested to wait for others to alight before boarding”, the female voice announced.
He had his heart in his hands, his voice lost with anticipation, himself tight in a knot of painful angst. He could feel the beating of his ears; he would have died if he hadn’t remembered to breathe.
But if the letter were true, he wouldn’t mind all that; just to see ‘Her’ again.
He caught his breath, wiped his eyes, smiled at the sorry sight that was him at the moment as he began reading the letter once again.
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My love,
I wish you could have been here with me. I wish we could have spent this summer together. But I know we can’t so here I am having double the fun for you.
Work hard my darling. I’m sending you a picture with this letter just to show you how beautiful your angel looks in the new sundress she bought. I’m quite sure you’re regretting not taking the summer off with me now.
Anyways my darling, I love you and I will see you soon…
Ps- I’ll be back by the four thirty train on the 14th of June. Hope to see you there with a big basket of flowers and a big I miss you!
Always Your love
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And as he heard the whistle of the train halting to a stop in front of him, he looked up – a man tired and weary eyed, lost in the world hoping against hope that three years later, he would see his Angel alight from the train. The crowd thinned down as his hopes died down as well, he looked up at the big wall clock on a nearby pillar – 5:00 PM. He was a fool to have come back here.
His hand dropped the flowers to the ground. It did nothing but to break his heart.
As he caught a cab home, he considered entering one of his so many safe-havens he had frequented these last three years-
- The one near the corner on his street had good somber music which goes well with his drink and mood.
- The one at the intersection near his work place offered all day spirits for when his mood was dark; which was always nowadays.
Or he could go to the supermarket below his one room apartment for some deli food and a pack of beer.
It didn’t matter to him at the moment. Actually, he didn’t feel much like food or drink. So, hesat in silence, paid the cab driver his dues and heavily trudged the stairs to his now desolate home.
A few days passed and he had decided to go see her. Maybe being with her would bring him closure. And three years later he needed it more than ever.
As he climbed those cobbly steps that lead to the top of the hill, a vast span of greenery opened up to him beautified by the sunset illuminating everything on it- the flowers and trees including the faded tombstones and crosses.
“What a marvelous sight to behold. What a contrast to the life we live”, he thought.
As he came up to the corner where she laid, he saw a wreath of fresh lilacs had been laid; her mother must have been here, he thought.
His bouquet of lilacs in his hands and his heart ached knowing that he still brought flowers to her as if she was one of the living. Her mother had thought otherwise.
He sat there next to her, loss for words as to what to say. Maybe he wasn’t really prepared, maybe he should just go back. That drink he poured for himself still laid on the kitchen counter untouched and most probably warm now.
He licked his lips and smiled- “My God, I’m pathetic”, he mumbled.
He shook his head in disgust and he sat there in silence for what seemed an eternity, just staring into the sky and the sun setting. His heart wept but his tear ducts were dry.
And as if on que the rains came, drizzling. The pitter patter of the rains started to take motion, he stared at the skies and then at the two objects in his hands – A letter and the bouquet.
He gently placed them at bottom of her tombstone and slowly bend down to kiss her.
Drops fell down over the flowers.
At this point he wasn’t certain whether he was crying or whether it was pouring.
“I hope you hear what I want to say, My Love”, he prayed as he slowly descended the steps again.
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My Tiffany, My Love,
I miss you.
I know this letter will not reach you my darling. But I’m just writing to pour out my feelings.
I miss you so so much.
It’s been too long since I’ve seen you, too long since I’ve held you close to me. But that is a distant dream now.
Sweetheart, I keep on remembering the times we had and shared. I cry silently knowing that they are but memories; but remember the day in the garden? The park that we had called our own?
We were so happy then. Our joy knew no bounds. You embraced me and kissed me when I told you I love you. You responded that you do too and that from then on, we would always be together.
Why is it then that I’m alone now? Why is it that you left me here? Why is it then that I’m hurting much inside? Why is it that I’m never going to see you again?
Don’t you know that I loved you then and I still Love you now?
“Can’t you move on?” my friends ask, I ask myself: “Can I?”
You were the best thing that happened to me; I was perpetually in heaven with you. I don’t think I can ever feel the same way again no matter the circumstances. My heart was set for you and it still does. My butterflies churned when every time I saw you, now they drop one by one like pebbles, dead to the deepest pits of my stomach. All I carry now is the weight of sadness.
I miss you.
Why? Why? Why does this have to happen? To you of all others? What twisted punishment is this? For you to have to go before living your life to the fullest.
I still remember that one day… a first of a first-
It was a long walk through our lane in the park, less frequented by many. I had you to myself that afternoon. Together we were strolling, enjoying the breeze and the sunshine- my arms around your waist, your hands on mine and your head on my shoulders.
We were inseparable. It was twelve months together, the nineteenth day of September.
It wasn’t long until you got tired and wanted to rest. We then settled on that park bench, the bench which would become our spot. We were enjoying the sunset over the vast expanse of the lake- a sight as beautiful as you. And to this day however I would argue that you were more beautiful than that sunset ever was.
—But now, my sunsets are bland. I see no more beauty over the rays of the sun ever since I laid my eyes on you—
My heart began to flutter, my stomach churned- the butterflies were having a field day.
Your innocent eyes questioningly caught mine- I melted then.
A slow whisper escaped my lips and the words came out like a squeak caught by the wind and I momentarily thought they were lost to the skies.
And yet your eyes caught mine, your arms pulled me closer bringing my ears to your lips, and as you repeated the same to me, I melted further into your arms. That was Heaven to me- that exact moment, the warmth of the sun, your bosom, your words and that half-smile when you faced me again; I was in eternal bliss.
Those words were sealed with a kiss. I treasure it still- back then as I do when I’m writing to you now.
But, why were you taken away from me?
Sometimes I would curse the world, cursing itfor taking you away from me
My heart cries in anguish.
My soul languishes in pain.
I’m deadened by your absence in my life. I feel like I live soulless every day.
It has been three years since.
Please, please come back to me! I beg I pray…
Everything, anything, everything for just a moment with you again.
Now, you’ve gone to a place of everlasting happiness, a place for the Angels- Heaven. It is rightfully your place, My Darling Angel. You belong there as I had belonged to your arms.
I was weakened when you smiled, my strength failed me when you so little as brushed your hands over me, but those, those moments were worthwhile. Now, I find no strength to move on and I pray that my memories of you won’t fade.
I miss you.
It’s been three years since the accident. Three long painful years.
As I write this letter to you, pouring my heart full of pain, anger, despair; I again realize that you won’t be able to read it. It’ll just lie on your grave; unopened. I weep now as I wept then. I only pray the Angels bring this to you.
As I wept; a faint light comes to me. Maybe you are here with me right now in spirit telling me to be ok.
My tears subside and as I face you now, for one last time; I remember and feel your lips brush through mine.
A shiver goes through me. As I rest my pen, I tell you this again- I love you and will forever continue loving you.
I’ll be waiting till the day we’ll be united once again.
—Your Love
