It was my first day and I was on edge while taking my first step to commence a new journey. I had arrived at the college too early. The classroom was empty. And the weather was too cold. I found a warm place near the basketball court. The wintry discomfort faded gradually. Almost half an hour later, still alone on the basketball court, I counted the few students who had arrived at the college. My eyes picked up a particular girl who was giggling with the other girls going inside our classroom. I looked at her spellbound. In these eighteen years of my life, no one had dazzled me like her. And I pretty much forgot that the class was about to start. The bell rang.
I entered the classroom. the teacher was about to take the roll call. I rushed to my desk, attentively listening to the roll calls not because I was worried about missing mine but to know hers. Know why? This girl made me stunned just in seconds. I listened attentively. “Trishna Mishra.”
The more I looked at her the more I fell for her. One day my friend, Samar, noticed that I always sat on the corner of any bench, eventually looking at her. When I grasped it was too late for me to assure him that there was nothing like what he was anticipating. Of course, I never wanted someone else to know about my feelings before her. It was a mistake. He told me later that day, “Nibir, tell her before somebody else does.” I didn’t take his advice fervently. Another mistake.
Time flew. We completed our first semester. For this whole time, I was not up to approaching her even once. All these feelings were up to the minute, I had never discerned anything like this. How could this craven me ever think of something like this, but this dismissive heart? It would all be the same, but maybe luck was with me. She was given the notes from Shreya ma’am to distribute the same to the students. It was a golden chance for me even if I could just say ‘please’, ‘okay’, and at last a ‘thank you.’ Still it opened the way to talk to her. And we did. She loved talking with people, I was into her even without knowing her fully. With time she was making me adore her more and more. It was just a few days that we got in touch with each other but then the most tragic thing happened. The Covid and the insufferable lockdown. It was always a delight to be home, but this time I wished for her. Nevertheless, I tried to keep in touch whether by asking for notes or sometimes. Covid snatched plenty of time from me.
And then the most cherished time of my life came up. The fifth semester. One day, we were in the college canteen. Both of us were with other friends. Suddenly I heard her saying that in our batch no boy had any leadership qualities. Hearing her words I pledged to run for candidate in the forthcoming student’s union elections, although I didn’t care for the post. And I did, actually both of us did. It was not to get any position but to make her feel proud that we had at least one person to stand in front of everyone. And how I missed the chance. I never pondered the result to be in my favor. However, when I got to know that Trishna didn’t make it, I was dejected. I caught her crying in the classroom. How devastated I was, clocking her in tears. I had my heart set on her win instead of mine.
Somehow everything was overcome. But not for long. The fresher’s program, organized by the student’s union, brought us together. I tried to be benevolent towards her while assigning everyone’s part in the program. She was enraged, I realized it was somewhat my fault. I was involved in a lot of things without recognizing she was passed over. Couldn’t defend myself, but I knew she was never the kind of person who could be angry with someone for long. And I was dead right. She became the person she was, waggish, loveable.
Then there came our last year in college. I never gave a thought about the end of this journey, I never felt that one day it would come to an end. And specially I have to say goodbye to her. Reality is harsh. As we came to an end, I finally decided to tell her what she meant to me. Mustering all my courage, I went to tell her my feelings. On the last day of college, I messaged her to meet me after class. I was timid concluding what might go wrong after I tell her. Classes ended. I trusted my heart. I was not prepared, I guess I could never be, to tell her everything. She came. I mumbled at first. She was oblivious, without realizing what I was putting up with. I couldn’t say a single line properly. Being tedious, she said, “Nibir, I also have something to tell you.” I paused, deliberately was all ears. She stated, “Can you help me?”
I was surprised. I told her, “Anything for you.”
She said: “Can you please tell Samar that I really love him? I tried to tell him, but I felt extremely nervous. Today is our last day. Maybe I will never meet him again, I just don’t want to miss this chance. You are truly a good friend of mine. Can you please tell him?”
I couldn’t utter a word for a moment. She shrieked.
I smartened up and grinned “Sure, anything for you.”
