It was a pretty normal day . The kind of day that just lulls you to sleep if you are not ‘awake ‘ enough . The kind of day where even loud chewing noise from your seatmate in the bus drills a hole into your skull .
I was travelling back to the town i did my MBBS from , jhalawar in rajasthan .
The town I was returning to after almost 10 years . 10 years since I completed my MBBS and returned to my hometown chandigarh with bittersweet memories and my medical degree . There were many reasons that kept me away from this place ,reasons I don’t like to talk about .
The only thing which has made me visit this place was a call from my ex -friend Dr.Amit .
Dr. Amit was diagnosed with gastric cancer and his call after so many years jolted me to come and meet him .
The bus was almost oscillating on the narrow roads constructed amidst the sand and I felt my heart was shaking with equal zest .
The bus stopped in a small hamlet ,at an opulent dhaba.The conductor instructed us to ‘do our business in 15 minutes ‘ and get back to our seats .
Something in my head knocked at my skull and whispered ‘ atleast ,go and see how she is ‘ .I had become a professional at masking my inner voice . I fidgeted with my phone , finally sighed and called up amit .
I hate ,HATE talking on the phone .
After 2 rings Amit answered enthusiastically . Contrary to the popular opinion ,it is something extremely unnerving when somebody whose days are numbered is so hopeful . Shit ! I almost hated myself for thinking this .
After our casual talks ,I lit another cigarette and asked him ‘ do you know where she is?’
The line went quiet .
‘no, rohan…i don’t know where Barkha is ‘
His words quivered …strange .
I cut his call after trying really hard to sound normal again .
This place ,talking to amit , the ravanhattha tune in the background…it brought everything back .
The 10 year itch was begging to be scratched .
I had to see her or atleast know about where is she ?
Is she ….. married ?
Amit’s words kept ringing in my ear and finally I was forced to step down at a stop near to barkha’s cafe .
*. *. *
Barkha was the only daughter of her parents ,her mother passed away when she was around 7-8 years old. They were originally from Barmer district ,a shanty ,sandy town in the West of rajasthan .
I still remember vividly when I met her . It’s hard to forget something like that and someone like her . Tall ,dusky ,broad shouldered and the most tender smile I had ever seen . She had long curly hair which almost reached the part of her waist I had spent hours dreaming about .
It was amit who took me to this little upgraded dhaba which specialised in masala chai and paKoras . We were in our second year of MBBS and we did keep roaming around the city and discover new places to have our chai sutta breaks .
I went there with amit but I never came back …when I saw her behind the cash register and her old father on the manager’s seat ,something in me stirred…
After the initial introduction ,amit whispered ‘ look ,oldie has a goldie daughter , the real streedhan’ and for the first time I felt I could punch him in the face but I just glared
Non chalantly ,he continued ‘ oldie is a bit cuckoo in the head ,bloody paranoid shit … I saw them in the psychiatry opd on Monday. He is very protective of his daughter and he should be’ amit leered and I just had it enough . I literally spat out my words ‘would you shut up !’
After that day we would go to her cafe almost regularly ,in all honesty I had never tasted or smelled a more soothing cup of tea . She would smile at me every time and when I asked her once ‘what do you put in the chai? Why does it taste so magical ?’ she just chuckled and put her curly lock behind her ear and with a glint in her eyes ,she said ‘secret spice ‘
One evening ,I went without amit…it was raining and the cafe was Drenched in kumarsanu’s songs . It was an evening I can’t take out of my mind even if I try
It was raining Cats and dogs and I was craving for chai and jalebi . There is this magic about rains , it makes even the most stone-hearted sing songs of love .
Maybe ,the raindrops had waved their magic on Barkha too as she looked like a vision in her white salwar kameez . Her father wasn’t there ,infact ,the dhaba was empty so I grabbed the opportunity and asked her ‘ so , where is chacha ,today ?’
She looked at me with her Kohlrimmed eyes and chuckled ‘ he was feeling a bit under the weather ,he may not come today ‘
I felt my heart flutter as she blushed .
I don’t know what came over me ,I grabbed her bangle clad wrist and said ‘i can’t stop thinking about you Barkha ,ever since I have seen you and God knows what sorcery you have done on me that I can’t sleep ,I can’t eat and can’t drink a cup of tea that’s not made by you … the way your dark curls fall on your shoulders and your Kohled eyes ,all of this is sorcery barkha ..I am immensely ,insanely in love with you ‘ I announced it all with a sense of urgency I never knew .
‘nutmeg ,doctor sahab ,nutmeg’ she smiled . ‘huh?’ I was flustered .
She laughed and said ‘i put a secret spice mix In the chai ,it has 29 spices and a little bit of nutmeg . I swear this secret should never get out ‘
I grinned at her mischief ‘ why did you tell me your ‘secret’ then ‘
‘because …i feel the same rohan . I can’t stop dreaming about you too . The way you always stole a glance at me when ordering ,that day when you were talking to baba that he should let me pursue MA after my graduation ,I notice all of it and it gives me butterflies . You are studying to be a doctor ,rohan . I can’t dream so big and think that we can ever be together . Baba and I earn just enough and not more . I want to be with you every moment and I ….and I… ‘
She sighs and I feel an uncontrollable urge inside me ,put my fingers on her quivering lips and whisper ‘let me complete my course ,I will take you with me ‘ and I kiss her ,without thinking anything …my first kiss and hers too
As she trembles first and then starts to passionately kiss me back .
We were lost ,we saw the stars and rainbows and everything in that instant and I hear a loud clank of glasses rolling on the floor …
Barkha’s father was standing behind us ,drenched and trembling with rage
*. *. *
Even thinking about that evening made me sweat . It was almost as if I was in a trance . I sat in an auto rickshaw and mumbled her café’s address . The driver looked at me , puzzled and then looked at my unshaven face ,messy hair and crimped shirt .
‘baithiye ,bauji’ he had a softness in his tone . As the autorickshaw trembled on the kaccha roads ,I felt my heart jump with each bump .
Finally ,I stopped him a few meters before the actual stop and paid him . I started to walk and then ,without even realising I sprinted towards the café .
*. *. *
‘ you lecher , how dare you ?’ barkha’s father charged at me and she fell onto his feet ‘baba ,please ..He is a good man ,he loves me’ she was pleading and weeping .
He grabbed barkha by her hair ,she flinched in pain . ‘ all the community men were right , raising a girl without a mother is a big mistake . I should have married you off years ago like your cousins ,you characterless bitch ‘ he was unleashing his wrath like a man possessed .
I couldn’t take it anymore ,I tried to shield barkha and he kicked me hard .
I howled in pain .
‘ baba he says he will marry me ,baba I swear ‘ barkha shrieked and I got numb .
Barkha’s father suffered from borderline personality disorder and I knew when he got into his rage fits,onlybarkha could calm him down but this time ,she sounded serious .
Her words kept ringing in my ear . Baba shook me by my collar and with flames in his eyes asked me ‘will you marry her ,doctor ? ‘ I looked at barkha and all I could think of were the reasons I couldn’t marry her,like my education ,my family , my social status and the Biggest of them all , fear .
He shouted again and I couldn’t speak . Barkha looked at me with such hurt on her face that I still can’t forget it .
I mumbled ‘i can’t marry her right now ,I can’t marry anyone right Now , I am just a student ..I ..I ‘
* Thud * I felt my ear ringing …
It was barkha ,she hissed at me with tears flowing on her face ‘ get out before the village men come and never ,never show me your face again’ she was dead serious and I was dead scared so I ran away ,like a coward I was …i ran away and I never ,ever looked back . I never asked about her ,I had heard of the village ‘justice’ system and the mob violence .I was a thorough bred city boy and like how it should have been I erased barkha ,the whole incident from my memory and like a dog with tail between his legs ,I returned to my hometown .
*. *. *
There ,standing like a fallen soldier ,was the shanty café . I went inside .. Everything had collected dust and there were cobwebs everywhere but surprisingly I could smell ginger and cardamom .
I sat down with a sigh on a cane chair . I felt somebody tap my shoulder . I looked up and there she was
Standing in front of me ,again …
She had not aged a day …still the simple and radiant .. Barkha.
She was wearing a simple white suit and her face was sans any Kohl .She had no jewellery on .
‘ barkha ,is it really you ?’ I started to tremble . She sat down on the chair next to me and cupped my chin in her palms
‘yes rohan , I knew you would come , I had a feeling ,that’s why I came here today ‘
‘ how ? How….how are you? ‘ I could barely speak as I was overcome with an emotion unknown to me .
‘ wouldn’t you have a cup of tea ,today ?’ she smiled and walked towards what used to be the Kitchen and brought out 2 cups and a kettle .
I looked at her ,shocked.
She chuckled ‘ what ??? I told you that I had a hunch you would come today ,after all these years ,the winds ,you see ..They always whispered sweet nothings to me when you were around ,they told me you would come ‘
I just lost it ‘ I am so sorry barkha ,I am a loser who couldn’t stand up for you ,please please forgive me . There hasn’t been a day in last 10 years when I don’t repent it ,I don’t curse myself . I have not and will not get married ever if not to you …. I ..I ‘ I said everything in one breath . I was crying hysterically.
She rubbed my back gently and said ‘ I know but it doesn’t make this easier , you are too late ‘
She poured her signature fragrant tea In the cups and extended one towards me . I resigned and took a gulp. The taste and The fragrance was the same . It felt like an elixir passing through my gullet . It was like a soothing concoction and it quenched my thirst like I had never drunk before .
‘ you never even asked about me ,never turned back ,took my words so seriously ?’
Her eyes welled up ‘Now ,you will listen and I will speak , do you even know what happened to me after you left ?’
‘ did they get you married ? Stopped you from going to college ? I knew it…i curse myself for it everyday ‘ I meekly whispered
She looked at me with a blazing gaze and muttered ‘ that’s the worst you can think of ? ‘ she got up and stood near the broken mirrored window .
She smirked and continued ‘ Dr.rohit …after you left that evening … my father dragged me to our house by my hair and beat me till I lost consciousness and my screams had gathered out beloved community men who decided my fate’
Her lips quivered…
I stood up to hold her but she swatted my hand away .Her fingers were as cold as ice .
She took a deep breath ‘ my father made a cup of tea for me ,then’
‘Huh? What ?’ I exclaimed
‘ he made a cup of tea for me and himself,with my secret spices . . Like The one I have made for you , full of nutmeg , which as you know is a favourite poison in this region’ her eyes gleamed ‘ so that we could get rid of this life full of shame . We drank it together and that was the end of his life . I was stuck in purgatory till this moment ‘ she laughed out aloud and I got goosebumps
‘ love is such a bitch ,rohan … it finally brought you to me ‘ and she vanished into thin air
I felt a cold grasp of death engulfing me
A reunion
Finally.
